That girl

In my younger days, I was not "that" girl--let's be fair I never was. Apparently, when you have the work ethic, the wit, and the grit that will rival those of the male persuasion, it does not leave many gentleman callers knocking down your door, unless they needed help halter training livestock or finishing their homework. I cannot complain much, I suppose--I was lucky enough to find some of the best and most genuine male friends through this time. To be clear, this post does not concern them in any way. Regardless, those times days were unfortunately plagued by an era of making myself be content in the background until I was gifted attention by ones that probably didn't deserve much of mine to begin with.

I was too pretty to be the ugly girl but too ugly to be the pretty girl. I was good enough to flirt around with, but not much else. I was much more of a people pleaser, but I was not pleasing enough. I was good enough to hold hands with secretly, but not in public. I was friend material, but not girlfriend. I was not willing to give up certain things, so eventually they just gave up. Needless to say, there were a lot of things that happened in the dark that never came to the light--and it unknowingly left me with demons that I pushed away but did not wrestle with.

Until him. Until he made me feel like I was actually beautiful, and not just in the "she's stocky with a cute face" way. Until he showed me what it was like to have a true partnership. Until I found out what it really was like to feel special. Until he made me realize I did not have to give up my strength and independence to be desired and appreciated. Until the epiphany that someone could still want to stick with me because of my warts and all, and not just for the purpose of being a "yes" woman. Until I was not just a place holder--not just an ego inflater. I suppose when you are a real, fully-formed individual within yourself, you want to surround yourself with genuine people that you genuinely enjoy and appreciate for the complex individuals they are. Instead of surrounding themselves with those that mask their intentions with counterfeit compliments and are only concerned with how other benefit them. 

Imagine.