I'm going off the rails on a crazy train.
I am not necessarily an Ozzy Osbourne fan, but I have always liked Crazy Train. And that particular portion of the lyrics is pretty much how I have felt for the past couple of weeks. I have so many things going on in my head at any given moment, and there have been times where I am convinced that I am not-so-slowly losing my mind. So, in true crazy train fashion, I had about four different ideas for blog posts floating around in my head at different times during the past week. So, for the sake of so many things, I will combine all those many reflections into one big bundle of organized chaos.
I have always been someone that speaks her mind. I come from a long line of women on both sides of my family that speak their minds and both my parents have always encouraged it out of me. I have learned in my 28 years that there are times to keep your opinions to yourself and there are times that you have to get it out before it eats you alive from the inside out. There is a lot to be said to keeping the peace but there is a lot to be said for saying your piece as well. My mother used to tell me when I was younger not to expect someone to have the same heart as you or to deal with things the same way you will. You could say it threw me for a loop when I found myself getting upset over the same things I got upset about in elementary and high school, only now with adults. Some people do not like to put out fires, but instead like to complain to the neighbors about it growing, all while they are throwing logs on the flames.
This weekend, I had 2 days of a reminder of what is really important. It is not what is in style or what is the newest and shiniest and if you have it. The simple things are and always will be the best, and enough for me. Helping out friends and spending the day in a place where I feel at home. Doing things as a family and taking care of God's fellow creations. Spending time with those that love me every day no matter what happens or what mood I am in. Laughing until my stomach hurt.Spending time outside on a beautiful day. Unfortunately, I was also reminded that sometimes bad things just happen. Plans go awry and good days can still have bad points. We can sit around and think about what we could have done differently. We can ponder and wonder why. Or we can, as Woodrow F. Call says, "ride off from it," meaning we can move on and learn and take on whatever is next at hand.
Dealing with teenagers five days a week as I do, there is so much emphasis on who is doing what with or to whom, who has the latest and the greatest of anything, and who and what is popular and what is not. However, there are days when these kids quit trying to compete with everything and quit trying to grow up too fast, and enjoy things again. Today, I watched juniors and seniors in high school get excited about an assignment which involved pentagons, a stapler, and creativity. One girl bragged to me about how much time she took to make hers look just right, and how bright and colorful it was. One student kept spinning theirs to see all sides of their creation. There are days in this job that I think I will commit myself by the end of it, there are times when I think the nest break cannot come soon enough. But, there are also times that the pretentiousness, the drama, and the bickering stop for long enough for them to just be wide-eyed kids again enjoying something while they learn. Those are the times I keep in my pocket to remember.
Some people will dwell in drama, and some people will make a summer home there. I want no part of that. I like a simple life where I know who is for me and who is not. I do not want to live thinking someone is in my corner, only to turn around right before the end of the round to find them gone. I have always kept the advice of the great philosopher Tyler Perry close to my heart. In the stage version of Madea Goes to Jail, Tyler Perry as Madea delivers a soliloquy that spoke to me deeply the first time I watched it and it has stayed with me.
It's all about putting people in the category of a tree. There are leaf people that may only be there for a season, and as soon as they have what they need from you they are gone, but there is no reason to be angry about it because that is just who they are. There are branch people that are stronger than leaves and may stay around for multiple seasons, but they may leave when a storm comes or may break when they have to bear some weight but, again, that's just who they are. Then there are the root people. They are not always easy to find because they are not trying to be seen. They will help hold you up during storms or anything that comes along, and they help nourish you when you need it. Madea goes on in this same beautiful scene to talk about "letting folks go." She basically says that if people do not want to be in your life, let them go. You do not need that kind of negativity, and you don't need people that you have to wonder why they are there in your life. Don't keep people just to have people. The right ones will stay and you won't have to wonder why. But, if you have to wonder or if they show you that they don't want to be in your life, LET. THEM. GO. (this particular section is paraphrased and brought to you by the wisdom of Tyler Perry).
I am trying to find peace in the chaos right now. Lately I have felt like I cannot make a decision to save my life, and that I second-guess every decision I happen to make, small or otherwise. I feel like the little caboose on the end of a train, chugging along in the back to whatever destination I need to meet for the day. Sometimes I am on the brink of derailment and in the midst of sharp curves and obstacles that make me have to slow down or change course. But I am ever-grateful of every reminder that it is all part of the journey and that there is beautiful scenery to partake in no matter what that journey holds.
I have always been someone that speaks her mind. I come from a long line of women on both sides of my family that speak their minds and both my parents have always encouraged it out of me. I have learned in my 28 years that there are times to keep your opinions to yourself and there are times that you have to get it out before it eats you alive from the inside out. There is a lot to be said to keeping the peace but there is a lot to be said for saying your piece as well. My mother used to tell me when I was younger not to expect someone to have the same heart as you or to deal with things the same way you will. You could say it threw me for a loop when I found myself getting upset over the same things I got upset about in elementary and high school, only now with adults. Some people do not like to put out fires, but instead like to complain to the neighbors about it growing, all while they are throwing logs on the flames.
This weekend, I had 2 days of a reminder of what is really important. It is not what is in style or what is the newest and shiniest and if you have it. The simple things are and always will be the best, and enough for me. Helping out friends and spending the day in a place where I feel at home. Doing things as a family and taking care of God's fellow creations. Spending time with those that love me every day no matter what happens or what mood I am in. Laughing until my stomach hurt.Spending time outside on a beautiful day. Unfortunately, I was also reminded that sometimes bad things just happen. Plans go awry and good days can still have bad points. We can sit around and think about what we could have done differently. We can ponder and wonder why. Or we can, as Woodrow F. Call says, "ride off from it," meaning we can move on and learn and take on whatever is next at hand.
Dealing with teenagers five days a week as I do, there is so much emphasis on who is doing what with or to whom, who has the latest and the greatest of anything, and who and what is popular and what is not. However, there are days when these kids quit trying to compete with everything and quit trying to grow up too fast, and enjoy things again. Today, I watched juniors and seniors in high school get excited about an assignment which involved pentagons, a stapler, and creativity. One girl bragged to me about how much time she took to make hers look just right, and how bright and colorful it was. One student kept spinning theirs to see all sides of their creation. There are days in this job that I think I will commit myself by the end of it, there are times when I think the nest break cannot come soon enough. But, there are also times that the pretentiousness, the drama, and the bickering stop for long enough for them to just be wide-eyed kids again enjoying something while they learn. Those are the times I keep in my pocket to remember.
Some people will dwell in drama, and some people will make a summer home there. I want no part of that. I like a simple life where I know who is for me and who is not. I do not want to live thinking someone is in my corner, only to turn around right before the end of the round to find them gone. I have always kept the advice of the great philosopher Tyler Perry close to my heart. In the stage version of Madea Goes to Jail, Tyler Perry as Madea delivers a soliloquy that spoke to me deeply the first time I watched it and it has stayed with me.
It's all about putting people in the category of a tree. There are leaf people that may only be there for a season, and as soon as they have what they need from you they are gone, but there is no reason to be angry about it because that is just who they are. There are branch people that are stronger than leaves and may stay around for multiple seasons, but they may leave when a storm comes or may break when they have to bear some weight but, again, that's just who they are. Then there are the root people. They are not always easy to find because they are not trying to be seen. They will help hold you up during storms or anything that comes along, and they help nourish you when you need it. Madea goes on in this same beautiful scene to talk about "letting folks go." She basically says that if people do not want to be in your life, let them go. You do not need that kind of negativity, and you don't need people that you have to wonder why they are there in your life. Don't keep people just to have people. The right ones will stay and you won't have to wonder why. But, if you have to wonder or if they show you that they don't want to be in your life, LET. THEM. GO. (this particular section is paraphrased and brought to you by the wisdom of Tyler Perry).
I am trying to find peace in the chaos right now. Lately I have felt like I cannot make a decision to save my life, and that I second-guess every decision I happen to make, small or otherwise. I feel like the little caboose on the end of a train, chugging along in the back to whatever destination I need to meet for the day. Sometimes I am on the brink of derailment and in the midst of sharp curves and obstacles that make me have to slow down or change course. But I am ever-grateful of every reminder that it is all part of the journey and that there is beautiful scenery to partake in no matter what that journey holds.