An Open Letter To The Girl I Can't Protect
When we are small, we want to be protected from the things we go bump in the night. As we become active, we protect ourselves from things we bump into that bruise us. We pay attention to the sharp edges and the threats of dangers. As we become older still, we try to protect ourselves from those that we bump into along lifes path that bump back. Those that have sharp edges, their words becoming thorns that prick us and their actions leaving bruises that don't so easily heal.
I want to protect you from them.When you see yourself, I want you to see the fierce she-warrior that you are, and yet, I still want to keep you safe from them until you are ready for battle. As you brace yourself, I know the sword of your wit is sharper than any weapon, but I think it is your shield that needs further forging, for it is in the hottest fire that not only the sharpest weapons but the strongest shields are made. No matter how sharp your weapon, you still have to guard yourself, because your weapon will not keep you from others. The enemy will claw, cut, and stab to destroy you, and they will not fight fair. They will tear you down to build themselves up. They will worm their way into your thoughts, playing warfare with your mind. They will cleverly disguise themselves, sometimes even as your ally, to attack when you are most vulnerable. That is why you must have your shield at the ready. Unfortunately, good protection takes time. It must be forged to withstand rigorous battle, and then rest comfortably by your side when the fight is done.
Unfortunately, the things that go bump in the night do not wait for us to be prepared. They do not bump when we are at our most strong and confident; when we are in the light. They wait until we are alone, vulnerable, and in the dark. When we cannot see clearly so every noise, shape, and thought becomes a monster in the corner.
There are people out there, dear little sister, who will convince you they have your best interests at heart. Your best interests belong to the two people that will always be on your side, you and God. I would love to tell you that the world is always a welcome and inviting place, I would love to tell you that the place you are now is filled with people that will give you comfort and rest and encouragement, but all too often we find ourselves in a den of lions where the kittens used to be. There are those genuine people there, all you have to do is find them, and I think you have started, and that makes my heart happy. Because in the fiercest battle, you find your closest allies.
As you will find out about me, I am very protective of the people I care about, and you have nuzzled your way onto that list. I want to fight this battle for you, and so many times I find myself simultaneously giving you advice and my younger self. You have become part of my family, and I go to battle for my family. I want nothing more than to fly in like a ginger Xena Warrior Princess and kick the crap out of everyone that is mean to you or makes you feel less than. I don't want you to have to fight, but I fear you will have to. I know you do not think you are ready, but you are. There is a flame inside you that just needs tending to. I know people, including me, have said for you to stand up for those that might be going through what you are, and I stand by that. There are people out there that I'm sure need comfort like you. However, I also say stand up for you. Stand up for yourself and your opinions and for self-preservation because you are who you are for a reason, and there is nothing wrong with who you are. I am not telling you this because there is something wrong with who you are, because there is not, she-warrior. I am telling you this because I do not want the lions and the enemies and the monsters to change who you are for the worse. I want you to stay you, and realize that you are someone that is worth standing up for, your voice is one that is worth being heard.
The things you are going through is not some cosmic punishment. You can let the pseudo-caring tell you that, but they are lying to you for the sake of conformity. The truth is, sometimes bad things happen. Mom used to tell me "just because you are trying to follow the path God has for you, doesn't mean everyone else is." No matter what we do, there will always be bad people in the world and, sadly, sometimes we become a victim no matter how strong we are. It's ok not to be strong all the time, it's ok to be vulnerable. It's ok to let your guard down with some people, but make damn sure they're worth it. Some lessons we must learn the hard way...it makes us grow as people. I will tell you one thing, though, you have people in your corner and I am one of them.
